


Indecisions and Masks

by rabuberii



Category: Dir en grey, Jrock
Genre: M/M, Romantic Gestures, Slice of Life, social distancing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-24
Updated: 2020-09-24
Packaged: 2021-03-08 00:35:00
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 863
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26626813
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/rabuberii/pseuds/rabuberii
Summary: After months of not knowing about each other's whereabouts, DIR EN GREY finally schedules a meetup to rehearse and discuss the future, unfortunately the first ones to arrive are the guitarist and the drummer with an unresolved history between them. Shinya faces the feelings he had managed to keep on check for months, while the always dazzling DIE is not afraid to openly admit what he feels.
Relationships: Die/Shinya (Dir en grey)
Comments: 2
Kudos: 8





	Indecisions and Masks

“Say...have you missed me? At least, a little bit?” 

If they were strangers, Shinya would’ve assumed that the guitarist was trying to get into his nerves with that lilting voice and wide, perfect smile of his. But truth was that there were no ill intentions hidden within that inquire, but mere concern. A perhaps a bit of hope. 

“Have you?” He retorted by instinct, for once being thankful for having the lower part of his face concealed under the mandatory mask, not letting the other man see how his teeth dug the lower lip, wishing to have responded something less abrasive. There was no need to be so defensive, especially after many months of not being in the same room. Together. 

DIE could only laugh and massage the nape of his neck, a habit that his bandmate knew really well after knowing each other for more than two decades, but no audible response came out of his lips. They only exchanged glances in the next seconds, which felt like minutes. Even hours. Why? Why they had to be the first ones arriving at the studio? So unnecessary, for both of them. 

If only the circumstances were different, perhaps the distance between them would be gradually decreased. They have been always like that. Fighting against the unavoidable, then parting ways. Then reuniting again. In tours, rehearsals, meetings. The bedroom. Even furtive encounters in unlikely places that wouldn't be appropriate to mention aloud. Tension and unresolved feelings were always there, and most times they always found a way to act on them. But not at that moment. It was absolutely out of question. 

But the more he thought about it, the temptation to break the rules again increased. The only audible sounds came from their breathing, the occasional throat clearing, and humming along with familiar tunes (DIE was the one prone to the latter). "Your hair looks good. Switched shampoos?" The younger finally managed to break the silence created by himself, and thankfully, worked. Because DIE, a 45 years old man, beamed in return, with his eyes turning into smaller slits and the wrinkles around them indicating how happy he was to respond.

"Thought you wouldn't say a word before the others come by! I didn't...just stopped messing with it much, you know?" It was amazing how easy was for him to turn an awkward meeting into a lively conversation. Despite of the situation, the guitarist always managed to be charming and dazzle the people around him with his attitude. And unfortunately for Shinya, he wasn't immune despite of how many times he tried to. He always fell into the spell, and ended up following with vanal topics like hair care, what they've eaten during quarantine, videogames, tv shows. And as words kept flowing, the distance decreased ("I need to show you this...please?" The guitarist gestured to his phone, and despite his initial thought of asking him to send whatever-he-wanted-to-show as a message, he complied and scooted close enough to be arm-to-arm.

Soon the enthusiastic eyesmile began to transform into a frown, and inaudible ranting that was muffled by this face mask, DIE grumbled "I can't find it...", to which he received a weak 'oh' in response from the shorter male, whom began to drag himself away from the (dangerously) close distance. But, just like many other times, a tattooed hand managed to grab him by the wrist and kept him in the same spot.

And again, the words were reeplaced with silence and background noises, indecisive starting, and the ocassional stroking from the guitarist's rough hand against Shinya's wrist and the palm of his hand.

Kissing was definitely not a good idea (Was there a time where was it? The mere thought made the drummer almost roll his eyes), although probably the other wouldn’t mind to lower their masks and be a little bit daring (as always). But again, before he could argue, DIE resumed the firm, yet careful grip of his hand and with the playful nervousness from before gone, faced him.

"Why are we always struggle to say the things as they are? Just say 'no' if you didn't miss me at all...".

The weight increasing on his chest, and how his heart began to beat faster than usual. Past memories came by into his head, but the sound got stuck on his throat. No, I did not. I seriously didn't miss you. Why couldn't spit those lies and get back to work, waiting for the others? Why did he left the house earlier than intended? No, there was no way to know he wasn't going to be the only one at the studio.

Both of them were complicated. They could never make up their mind about what they were, but the only clear thing was that their voices, bodies and feelings were going to be tied forever, regardless of everything. And no amount of denials would change that. And the more the mental debate grew into Shinya's mind, his body was more and more certain about what he wanted to convey, and his free glove-clad hand seeked the warmth that only DIE could offer.

“You already know that.”

**Author's Note:**

> I'm very sorry if this comes rusty or badly written (English is not my first language, as probably you can tell by my grammar), but I've been a fan of this pairing for years, yet it's quite difficult to find new stories about them in a general setting. 
> 
> During this eternal quarantine, I fell in love again with DIR EN GREY and suddenly the ideas came into my head, so did my best to convey them here instead of just keeping them for myself.
> 
> Feedback is always appreciated, hope everyone is staying safe, healthy and that we can enjoy a physical live show from the band soon.


End file.
